Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

January 15, 2012

Bland Beer

Here's what happened on my visit with Beer Guy last weekend. I went into it with friendship as my expectation-- and a dash of potential for something more. By the time I entered his home and set the chips and salsa I brought down on the kitchen counter, I knew this would be a relationship with no extra spice.

After giving me a friendly hug, the first words out of his mouth were, "The reason I disappeared for a few months was because I got pretty hot and heavy with someone soon after we met." That much I'd figured. Then he added, "But she broke up with me on New Year's Eve." Ah. I was going to be the shoulder for leaning. 

Honestly, that disclosure let me loosen up and we ended up spending the entire afternoon on his deck, drinking beer and swapping romantic mishaps. I was holding back the "buddy" stuff at first, thinking it couldn't hurt to leave a little room in case something in the ether shifted. But the more he told me about his relationship with his most recent ex --a relationship he clearly still longed for--I was pushing him further and further into the passive, possibly wimpy category and, as I've discussed already, those qualities are no longer on my checklist for potential partners. 

It seems she was passive aggressive, needy and extremely immature. And he wasn't even trying to paint her in a bad light. He clearly still wanted her back and was just describing the relationship to me. Hearing this elicited the same reaction I have when the protagonist in a movie is in a relationship with an obviously horrible person. I know we're supposed to be rooting for them to find happiness elsewhere, but all I can think is, "What an idiot. Why would they be with this person in the first place?" I have a hard time respecting someone who is willing to put up with such awful behavior just to be in a relationship. (The most recent example I can think of is the relationship between Owen Wilson and his bitch of a girlfriend Rachel McAdams in "Midnight in Paris." But I still loved the film.)

The more Beer Guy told me about his three month excursion into "love," the more red flags popped up. This down-to-earth, nice-seeming guy seemed out of place, scared to be alone and obviously looking for someone to cling to. Maybe a few years back that would've appealed to me because, of course, I used to feel the same way. But no more.

Still, we had a pleasant afternoon of swapping stories and ended up going out to dinner as well. I'd hang out with him again. Like I said, I'm looking for people to pass the time with after too many days of being alone. But I don't think I'll pursue a regular friendship with him simply because I know that the moment he latches on to his next girlfriend (which shouldn't take too long, he's handsome, nice and owns a beautiful home with an ocean view), I know I'll be ancient history. 

I have to say, dating is a lot less painful when you aren't willing to sell yourself down the river just to say you have a relationship. More to come....



bella said...

I know I don't know you, but I'm really proud of you! (I've been reading your blog for a while).

It's funny how this happens in dating. You make a decision to change your course, and the "universe" decides to test you. "Are you sure you don't want this? You are SO good at attracting this..." But you just keep staring it down and say, NO.

In shorter time than you think, the tides will turn. And one day someone new will roll in. And it will be different.

Anonymous said...

Yep, I knew it. You were a backup plan. At least he was honest about it, though.

The way to make lemonade with situations involving guys like this one is to use him as a sounding board for other dates you go on with other guys. This one isn't going to change any time soon, he's too busy moping about what coulda been with his ex. The upside is that, since he's already in an analytical place, that might reap benefits in re: answers to questions you might have.

Anon #1 from yr. previous post (p.s. -good luck).

Anonymous said...

So the old girlfriend was passive aggressive, needy and extremely immature.

What do you bet that if you talked to her, she would tell you that beer guy was passive aggressive, needy and extremely immature?

Oh, but you already know that! Keep the faith, and better luck next time. Keep trooping.


Anonymous said...

That guy does not deserve you as a friend. I know you are looking for hang out buddies- but really he just sounds like a dud!!

Dark Cloud Nine said...

It must feel so good knowing what you want, and what you don't want. Good for you!

Anonymous said...

Ah, the sweet smell of progress.