Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

October 5, 2011

And We're Off....

Let the games begin.

I went on my first eHarmony "date" last weekend, though I hate to even call it a date since I looked at it mostly as a drive-by meet up. Hey, how are you, who are you, etc. With the many rounds of communication eHarmony puts you through, I pretty much knew the basics about the guy, but what I didn't know was what he was like. How could I? The Internet is a great place to come across potential new dates, but it is by no means a shortcut to intimacy.

Within the first 20 seconds of meeting him, I knew we weren't even close to a match. It doesn't mean I didn't like him. In fact, he seemed very sweet, polite and friendly. But he was also shy and made me do almost all the work when it came to conversation. If there's one thing I've learned about myself from past relationship disasters, it's that I want a man of action and quiet confidence. I've had my fill of trying to pump up insecure nice guys and show them how to be confident. If they do ever get it, it's usually after we've broken up, when they feel they can take my suggestions and cheerleader advice (that most assuredly is interpreted as 'nagging' to them) and bestow the rewards upon the next woman they meet. This happened with Only Child (who is now married and a father, more on that another time) and I'm just waiting for the day when it happens with Wine Guy.

The difference this time is that I've changed too. I've learned my lesson and won't waste time on a nice man whose personality shrinks next to mine. The thing is, I'm pretty sure that guy doesn't exist. At least not in this Wonder Bread town. Wait, I take that back. I'm sure there's plenty of dynamic, smart, confident men in San Diego, but most of them want the 26 year old beach bunny who's waiting at every turn.

OK, I admit I'm being a Bitter Betty right now. I'm just feeling a little low these days. And I admit (even hope) that I'm wrong. I guess I'll know sooner or later. If I don't move somewhere else first.

After an hour of friendly but forced conversation, I activated my exit strategy and parted ways with a smile. I'm happy to report I've heard nothing from him so the polite disinterest seemed to be mutual.

Now I'm back to wondering why the guy I did like on eHarmony, let's call him Brainiac because he wowed me with his nerdy intelligence, seems to have disappeared. After the phone call he emailed me to say how much he enjoyed talking and that I should get in touch when I came back from my vacation, which I did. Not one word back in the week since I emailed him. Brings me back to the good old days when Rabbi M pulled an inexplicable disappearing act on me. I suppose I should be thankful because it was his confusing inaction that made me start this blog in a fit of pique.

The games have indeed begun. God help me.



bella said...

I'm really excited for you. Honestly. I've been reading your blog for a while, and I always thought there was a sadness in your writing. Like something just below the surface. I kept thinking you weren't totally happy where you were at. And I swear, I can barely pinpoint it, but ever since your relationship ended, I feel like a light came on in your writing. I don't know what it is, but I sense it. I really think you'll find the right one, I do believe that what you're waiting for, will happen this time. Even from that paragraph you wrote, I sense how you've changed, and what you're looking for now, and it makes me believe that change is a coming.

Oh, and that Braniac guy that disappeared? Don't think twice. I feel like Miranda Hobbes in that SATC episode telling you this, but he probably just met someone else he's pursuing online. Whatever. It has nothing to do with you. People have options. You have options. My friend used to say, edit them in, edit them out. Save the energy for the right one.

Amen sister.

Anonymous said...

Yes, there are times like this, and when you finally in a pair, finally, you'll look back on times like this and be glad you don't have to relive them! (Sorry, late at night, early train tomorrow.) But yes, these are the kinds of days that make the final finding of the final man as much an experience of relief as of joy. You know what I mean. Forward!
xx Mimi

Anonymous said...

DT, the studies show you can tell within three verbal exchanges whether a guy is not for you. Obviously, screening out is easier than screening in. I suggest meeting on a park bench. That way you don't have to struggle through a boring date. You can just meet, get the information you need to cross someone off the list, and move on.
Good luck! --PT

Private Asian Girls said...

Hi! I'm really loving the fact that there is a cute and sweet side of a soldier. Continue with your search for your man. You inspire me. :)