Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

April 10, 2010

Whine Guy

Three years. That's precisely how long Wine Guy was able to keep it from me--even after two years of living together. But this week, almost exactly three years from the night we met, I discovered his terrible secret:

When sick, Wine Guy is quite possibly the biggest asshole on the planet.

Let's give him credit; he's taken incredible care of me after my various surgeries and illnesses, which started only eight months after we met. He's been patient, dutiful, understanding.

So when he finally got sick this week (obviously a rare occurrence), I was eager to return the favor. I made him his favorite lentil soup, listened to his complaints and offered to help with anything he needed. But everything I put out there was met with the whiny hostility of a bratty 5 year-old boy. I had no idea.

I tried many times to let his rudeness roll off my back. At one point (while cooking him dinner), I went downstairs to cool off. While there, I decided the best way to remember that I didn't hate him would be to plan our 3rd anniversary night out at the wine bar/restaurant where we met (dinner's at 7pm tonight!). By the time I'd "invited" him via email, I was back in love -- only to return upstairs and have it start all over again. I mean, come on! It was just a bad cold!

By the time dinner was eaten and the kitchen was cleaned, I'd had enough. I announced that my duties were done and that I was choosing to opt out of his company for the rest of the evening because I didn't appreciate how he was treating me. When he finally realized I was serious, he coughed up an apology but--even days later when his phlegm has started to clear -- he still doesn't see what was so bad about his behavior.

When Wine Guy and I fight, I sometimes get a flash of panic: "Oh my God. He's a jerk. A total asshole. A fake. Just like Naval A-hole, I've been duped again." I call it PTSD of the relationship variety (and well-earned I might add).

But then I turn to my girlfriends and am reassured that he's really just being a typical man -- jerkiness and all. Not having a man around the house growing up, this is still hard for me to wrap my head around. Did all those respectable dads I so admired as a kid act like this? Really?

With a single mom at the head of my household, I saw multitasking and fortitude at its finest (though frazzled). What I didn't see was my mom crawling in to bed and whining, refusing to say what she wanted, and then rejecting what she got when I had to guess at it. She sucked it up and did the best she could. Most women do.

Is this the low standard of behavior we are forced to accept if we want to be in a relationship with a man? Every woman I've asked (happily married, divorced, single) says "Yep, pretty much."

Allow me to say this - I love Whine Guy. But I call Bullshit.

Happy 3rd Anniversary to us!


daisy said...

No kidding. Men (in general) become absolute babies when sick or hurt even the slightest.

I've known a few exceptions, but they are indeed rare.

cjdubwright said...

I also call bullshit. I am one of those females that came from a mother who made me fend for myself. Ask no one, for nothing unless you really need it. Need gas, get a job, hungry, get a job. I definitey know that the whine from my husband was learned from the whine of his mom [she is really good at it]. I have also learned not to cowtow to it, and he has learned to know that I will not cowtow to it. He also knows not to cry wolf, which means if he is truly sick, and I don't mean a cold, sniffles or whatever a cup of tea or an advil can cure, he better be sick enough to get aprescription...whew, I think I said that all in one breath....hang in there [or not]
happy anniversary..cjdubwright

Heidi Carson said...

Um. This is totally typical. Men are babies. They think they are always right, and well, we have to deal with their "issues" but they are insensitive to ours. Get used to it. He wil think he's done nothing wrong, and you will vent to your girlfriends. He is a whine guy. But at least you know. Good luck and keep up posted!

Tasha said...

Happy Anniversary (in spite of the whining)! Men + illness is never a good combination. ;-)

Jane said...

I think I'm a bigger baby than my husband when I get sick. Fortunately for him, I rarely get sick. He gets sick more often, but tends to just sleep a lot. Ultimately, we probably spend about the same amount of time whining about being sick, since he's sick more often than me.

Cathy J said...

It seems all men are babies when they are sick. So what if we were forced to toughen up when we were sick or maybe no-one was around - I did wish, at times, that I had someone to look after me and also admit I wanted to be a sook sometimes! Fortunately I am rarely sick - maybe that's cos I don't have time for it!

If your man is usually wonderful - then cut him some slack... as long as it doesn't go on too long, it can be a real bonding experience.

Anonymous said...

No. There is a difference between wanting to be taken care of and treating the caretaker like shit.

Anonymous said...

Well, not all men are the same. I don't think I'm like that very much, but I won't say that I'm different either because I just don't know. (And hey, just wanting something never won me the lottery)

But thanks for this post. It's not all that flattering to me, but I appreciate the heads up on something that's easy to fail at. It may not be worth much, but this internet stranger will try to do a better job from now on.

healy said...

Bullshit?but you love him right?lol well it's okay to stay. . .just keep it burning