Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

May 18, 2009

The Man-Purse Challenge

"Can you hold this for me?"

Sounds like an innocent enough question. And when my purse has any spare room, as it often does, I always say yes.

It's rarely a woman who asks me this question. Mostly because she would also be carrying a purse to hold her standard must-carry items - wallet, phone, lipstick, tampons.

But the man-- the poor man. Cursed with the back pocket as his only solution. Before the cell phone and other bulkier electronic must-carry items, all the man needed to worry about was the wallet. Easy enough to slip in the back pocket. No lipstick, hopefully, to worry about and all that jangling change goes in the front pocket or gets left in a jar at home.

Well, those days of pity are over. We all have bulky items we need to carry around these days, whether we wear lipstick and sanitary napkins or not. And it only seems fair that men should have to carry their load.

The first year of my relationship with Wine Guy I would respond with, "You need a good bag to carry your stuff." This was met with a stern look, and my purse got heavier.

Then I went sarcastic (always my first, less effective fallback). "Seriously, you need a man-purse." This was met with an even sterner, "No way."

Now, two years later, I've pretty much given up and accepted my lot in life -- say , "Sure" and and shove his items into my purse. Sometimes he even slips them in without my knowledge. Then, of course, it's my duty to remember they are there and return them to him before we eventually go our separate ways.

I haven't given Wine Guy crap about his need for a man-purse in awhile. But his birthday is fast approaching and, well, it's hard for me to imagine someone of any gender wouldn't want a wonderful bag to carry their most beloved items (I am a woman after all). So I thought I'd give it the old college try one more time, minus the sarcasm.

"How about a nice bag for your birthday?" I asked as I fished his phone and wallet out of my purse while standing together in a dark parking lot.

Clearly, time has not healed this wound. He responded, "Seriously, don't even think about it getting me that. I won't use it."

I handed his items over and mumbled, "I know." Defeat.

So....should I give up and consider myself his human purse? Or have any of you ladies (or men) found a solution? There's got to be some item out there (short of a fanny pack) that could please us both?




Melissa said...

Did you show WG that picture of RDJ?

Shanna said...

As my disorganized ex amassed an amazing collection of keys, two phones, and a camera, (plus a calender, gum, etc., etc.) I bought him a very masculine (yet fairly small) army green canvas messenger bag one day. He loved it and took it everywhere and called it his man purse.

Anonymous said...

Quit trying to emasculate this guy! You are going to have to carry his kleenex / coupons / train schedule bla bla bla because men are stupid, and if we don't do this for them, then they will leave us for a dark room filled with Wii. (PS I was just joking about you smacking him one, idk, I get that you are joking, but sometimes if you joke with a guy about video games its like the end of the world.)

Anonymous said...

I'm a 30 yr old male with a wife, two kids, two dogs, two jobs, and a mortage. I'm a pragmatist. I carry a backpack or an Adidas drawstring bag most places. It contains my wallet, keys, medicine, glasses, bar tools (i'm a bartender 3 nights a week), my blackberry, my zune, my gameboy dsi, a Taurus.38 special revolver loaded with +p hollowpoints (it's for killing anyone who needs killing, and/or a Springfield Armory Xd .40 caliber subcompact semi-auto handgun (this too is for killing pesky murderers, muggers, rapist, child molesters, etc.), an extra clip for the .40 (I'm a good fighter, but never bring a fist to a gunfight). I have a comcealed carry permit, so don't go all Nancy Pelosi on me. Trust me I'm very handy to have around. There are no tampons, but if my wife asked, i'd put them in there.

Mmmendoza Line said...

I'd carry the stuff for him.

Uh, WG is pretty low maintenance compared to some dudes out there!

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

in nyc the guys under 40 carry backpacks...

Sonny Amou said...

Gouda and I were talking about this, and she suggested cargo pants. Just sayin', you have options.


Eileen said...

Ha! This is so true. Okay so I *always* put his stuff in my purse and here's why: if we ever need to carry anything bigger than fits in a purse he carries it. We're hiking up a mountain? He's got the water. Just went grocery shopping? he gets the heavy stuff.

I hate, hate carrying heavy shit, so I'm so okay with this tradeoff. The man-purse would never fly! :P

Mmmendoza Line said...

Cargo pants make me think of this clip from Seinfeld:


Michele said...

I have no idea what my husband does with all of his stuff. He never asks me to carry it and he doesn't have a "European carry-all" Hmmm, what is he doing with his stuff?

Deidre said...

Look, I adore Robert Downey Jr. in that photo the Murse is the LEAST of his problems...what's with that hat?

Messenger bags are good! Or perhaps a nice light summertime jacket with loads of pockets? hah.

Julie said...

My husband got this:

It is perfect, and not even remotely feminine.

Anonymous said...

Why is it that in almost every one of your posts, you are somehow being done wrong, or someone else is wrong because they aren't doing what you want them to do?

Anonymous said...

How about you just get a bigger purse, thank the flying spaghetti monster for the life and gifts and terrific man you have, and call it a day?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous...I sure hope that you aren't a friend, or even an acquaintance of DT..the negative jabs that your send her way make me think that it is you who does not appreciate what you have, and might easily sabotage a friend.

Dating Trooper said...

Seriously Anon (not the last one, thanks whoever you are) -
It's a freakin' blog, nothing more, nothing less. I'm not writing a 'how to live your life' manifesto. Just babbling for entertainment purposes (and occasional venting when I feel like it). If you don't like it (or me) STOP READING IT. No one's forcing you.

Beth said...

I like your blog. Don't give that nasty anon another thought. How's your hip? Hope you are feeling better.