Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

March 29, 2009

Ouch - Literally and Emotionally

Hello from the drugged up side. I made it through my surgery and six loooong days in the hospital. Now I'm home at my mom's being waited on by both her and Wine Guy. Sounds nice in theory but in reality it's a powerless position to be in and I'm cranky about it - probably because I'm due for more painkillers (which I'll take as soon as I hit publish).

Catching up on the comments I received from my last blog entry, one in particular really knocked me in the gut. Probably because it is the last thing I need to hear right now - and probably because she is right. However, I am not supposed to be thinking about such major life issues while dealing with a broken body (or so my shrink tells me). But is she right?

For all I know, this could be a comment from someone I know personally who is finally (and anonymously) telling me what she's had on her mind for months. Or she really is just a anonymous person, tired of hearing other people whine and suffer about their relationships when she saw how easy it can be when it's right.

Anyway, I'm ready for drugs and a doze so I'll put it out there for your opinions. Read the original post (linked to above) if you haven't already. And here is Anon's comment:

Man, when are you going to DUMP this guy? I mean seriously. This guy has to have had some clue about the relation of this party to a wedding shower. In the time that I started reading this blog about a year ago, I started dating a man, and am now engaged to him. There ARE men who want to get married. I dated a guy for about 4 years prior to this relationship, and he was wonderful and loving and did anything I wanted him to... but he did not want to get married. Don't give too many years to a guy who's afraid to LIVE LIFE. My two cents. Glad you have someone to take care of you. But seriously. If you want kids, your ovaries are drying up. If you don't, well, you're getting wrinkly.


Sonny Amou said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Hi DT - another (different)anonymous here. My 2 cents re taking anyone's opinions (whether or not you know the person giving them) is to trust your gut instinct above all, and this week especially (and perhaps including the weeks leading up to it) to give Wine Guy and yourself a break. Just put all of it aside until you're feeling better, more yourself, and don't have a major surgery looming. Then see how you feel. Only you and Wine Guy can really figure out what is right for you - and it sounds like there is more than enough love, decency, intelligence and goodwill between you that you'll figure it out - whatever it is. Don't let someone else rain on your parade, or play on your worst fears, or whatever corny analogy works. For every dissenting voice about WG it seems like you have tons of people who know you both who think he's pretty great. I'm glad your surgery is over, and you have him to lean on. Trust his actions - that will tell you what you need to know.

Hope you heal well and easily...

Marni said...

I don't think anyone, including Anonymous, is saying WG isn't a great guy. He does sound like quite a sweetheart for taking care of you. That isn't the point. The point, to put it bluntly, is well....WG needs to either sh*t or get off the pot.

Let's be real here for a minute. You both have been together for over 2 years correct? And I am not sure how old he is, but I know you are approaching your late 30s and want kids. I don't need to finish that thought.

In my humble opinion, if WG knows that you are itching to settle into a family life and keeps dangling that carrot out in front of you, or WORSE, has no intention of settling and likes being able to have you yet come and go as he pleases, if he pleases, then maybe he isn't such a nice guy after all.

Two years is plenty of time to know if you are compatible with someone. Besides, you can't know everything about someone anyways. So what is he waiting for? What is he making you wait for? And what are you making yourself wait for if this guy has no intention of ever settling?

I remember reading the first entry where you met him and you guys already seemed to have some dealbreaker issues regarding children. I am not sure what you guys talk about, but if you are really adamant about having your own healthy biological children, then you might want to broach the subject of if and when the marriage thing is going to happen before it is too late and WG becomes just another nice guy who made you spin your wheels in place for too long and wasted your time.

Marriage and kids and more or less of a timetable should have been agreed to and established much earlier in the relationship, and it is the frequent ignorance of these points that lead to so many intelligent and lovely women being alone, childless and infertile in their 40s. I would never spend more than a year with a guy without a proposal, and no more than 6 months if I didn't see us headed down the same path. Women have different biological clocks then men; guys think they have all the time in the world, hence 50 year old guys becoming first time fathers with 30 year old wives, but for us ladies, time is ticking...

Dating Trooper said...

Sigh. I am rethinking my earlier impulse to gather all of your opinions -- based on my severe mood swing this afternoon and feeling sick with tension while reading the solicited comments so far (though thanks to those of you who tried). I take it all back and have disabled the comments - but feel free to vent to yourself. Thanks, though