Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

November 30, 2008

The FaceBook Ex-List

Like many of you, I am now totally addicted to Facebook. Normally these social networking phenomenon run their course pretty quickly, so I try not to get too attached (MySpace anyone?). But this one....I'm fully entrenched. And judging from the new names I see pop up every day as friend requests, I'm not the only one.

Wine Guy is equally involved. We've even been known to communicate through status updates and comments while sitting a few feet apart at our computers. So it was inevitable that one day he would ask who some of my friends are. Usually they're friends from the pre-Wine Guy era that have yet to come up in conversation. But one recently popped up with a slightly more awkward ex boyfriend. Granted, he's an ex from middle school, but an ex nonetheless.

Wine Guy had seen a comment 7th Grade Boyfriend made on something I had posted. It was typical 7th Grade Boyfriend (7GB) teasing. We've had the same relationship since our stormy fling in middle school, and it involves almost entirely around giving each other shit. But we still managed a rather close friendship and have kept in touch over the years, supporting each other in our dreams (his to be a filmmaker, mine to be..happy).

But Wine Guy wasn't really aware of this history so when he saw 7GB's smart ass comment he became a little protective. "What the hell did that person mean with that comment?" I laughed and assured him it was totally within the bounds of acceptability. As I was explaining our harmless friendship over the phone, I started browsing my other friends on Facebook.

Oh, look there's an ex-boyfriend from college.
And, hey, look at that..A guy I dated briefly in high school.
And wow, there's the guy that took my virginity (in college, in case you're wondering).

At first I was jokingly noting these friends to Wine Guy, but after the third one I started to realize this might be kind of strange. Why the heck do I have so many former boyfriends, flings, dates, friends-with-benefits on Facebook anyway? Is that strange? I have no idea. But suddenly I was inundated with my romantic (or notably non-romantic) past.

Out of my 118 friends to date, I have had some form of romantic past with 11 of them. Plus one guy I had a mad crush on in high school (he was three years older than me) who I bumped into last year and we are now Facebook friends (he barely knew my name back then and, even though he is your typical, married late 30s schlub today, the geeky freshman girl in me still gets a thrill that he accepted my friend request).

Just to clarify, my definition of "romantic past" can be pretty loose. Especially when you consider how far back some of these relationships go. Here's the breakdown:

Elementary School: 2
#1 - Our relationship consisted of playing on the playground and lip-locking when my sister locked us in the closet. We recently reconnected after 21 years on Facebook and I'm thrilled about it. More to come on this one.
#2 - My first french kiss and I was totally peer-pressured into it (by yet another Facebook friend I haven't spoken to in 18 years). It is not a particularly pleasant memory but I'm over it.

Middle School: 1
Our history includes a little french kissing and lot of drama (including when he cheated on me with one of my rivals, something I still give him crap about to this day).

High School: 1
I think this "relationship" lasted a total of 2 weekends, until I found out he got back together with his girlfriend (probably better for him since I wasn't going to give it up anyway).

College: 5
Only one was a 'real' boyfriend (my first in every sense). The others were what we liked to call "hooking up." I'm sure you are familiar with the concept.

Post College: 2
One was a friendship that briefly - and mistakenly - turned to romance. And the other is, of course, Wine Guy.

I guess when I look at it, these exes were really friends more than anything else. There are certainly guys I dated a little more seriously that would never dare ask to be my Facebook friend. And vice versa. But the way I see it, if you liked someone enough to swap some spit (or other fluids) with them at some point, chances are you have enough left over after a spoiled romantic venture to maintain some semblance of a friendship. Besides, how hard is it to be a Facebook friend anyway?

What about you guys? Any exes on your friend lists?



Meg said...

I have one. An ex-boyfriend from four years ago (during law school). I had my most recent ex on there, but I de-friended him in real life, so I de-friended him on Facebook, too (after he sent me a text demanding to know why I had updated my status in a certain way). First time I have ever "defriended" anyone.

The other two I keep in touch with aren't on there.

Loverville said...

OH yes! I'm friends with quite a few exes in real life anyway (those that ended amicably, that is)... so they're FB friends.

A few other FB friends are:
1. a guy with whom I had one J-date, never heard from him again... I know, strange that he's a FB friend.
2. at least one or two guys with whom I had exchanged many pleasant messages on J-date, but we never met.
3. an ex from just over 2 years ago, whose new wife just gave birth to a baby last week.

Katherine said...

Two of my exes are facebook friends; I am friendly with the third of my four exes, but he isn't on facebook. I'm sure that your status lists your relationship with Wine Guy, so he will know that it is clear to all of your exes how important he is to you.

20 yr old girl said...

i have many boys i have kissed on my of them embarresingly put in the 'how we know eachother part' that rob and ... hooked up at (name of the pub). kind of amusing!
i also have an ex, my only other one apart from my current boyfriend.
for my weird situation- i have my boyfriends ex gf as a friend. this may be normal for some, except that we have had a few issues with her trying to interfere one stage she was friends with me but had defriended him! i guess u could call us frienemies...

Deidre said...

I am not on facebook anymore (the procrastination that it provided was the undoing of me - which is the real reason) - the fake reason is because a boyfriend broke up with me via facebook. Via a change in status. classy.

But I had a guy i went on a blind date once friend me while i was still on it. its a weird thing isn't it?

Shelly said...

I am so relieved to know that I am not the only one with exes as friends on Facebook! I have two - one from a serious relationship, one from a two-week mistake relationship.

Mendoza Line said...

FB Friends:
1. College Guy who broke my heart...twice - shame on ME!
2. College Friend of #1 who I hooked up in an ill-advised manner with after initial breaking of heart.
3. Post-college Guy who spread rumor for two years that we kissed. Blech! No Way!
4. Guy I met this year in VIP section of rooftop LV nightclub and with whom I had a total one-night drunken hook up.

Life is a stranger bugger, isn't it?

lizriz said...

I totally think you should get a prize when every single one of your exes is your friend on Facebook. :D

I only have three exes and one or two romantic entanglements guys in my friends, though. I bow to you!

Anonymous said...

My wife has ex-boyfriends on her facebook. Even the one she cheated with. Hows that for a kick in the ass? I have no problem with any of the networking sites, even though I don't particpate. My only thought is just be respectful and put yourself in their shoes. Its not worth ruining a good thing over. Believe me on this one.

Anne @ Pink Galoshes said...

This is awesome! Thanks for sharing. So good to read other's stories, especially regarding facebook!


Teri said...

hey there! this is my first time reading your blog. i have a facebook horror story. i broke up with my boyfriend in October. he and i have been together/broken up several times. he is mr. big and i'm carrie - (except that i'm not expecting the happy ending in paris). anyway - i was feeling good about the break-up, because he was finally realizing that he needed some time to work out some issues (commitment issues!). apparently he didn't work on them very long, because on thanksgiving weekend i was barraged with picture after picture of him and a new girlfriend that had apparently been together since about 2 minutes after we broke up! he looked completely happy and had even brought new girlfriend to meet his family. it made me sick to see him so happy, so quickly after our break-up.

alt com said...

Meet new people to widen your circle of friends.