Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

September 14, 2008

Worlds Collide - Part II

The worlds have collided and, as is usually the case with things I stress about ahead of time, it wasn't really that big of a deal.

While Wine Guy was at his weekly wine tasting, Only Child came over and we took Luna to the dog park for some playtime. This was where the one "disaster" of the night took place. OC started getting playful with Luna, causing her to get a little too excited. Next thing I knew, OC's favorite shirt had a tear in the shoulder when she jumped up and nipped playfully. Oops.

But don't worry. It got better from there.

We met Wine Guy at his new favorite restaurant (we had of course been there previously with Ex-Wine Gal who recommended it). There was a wait so the boys began the standard chit chat in the lounge area while I rushed the bar, desperately in need of a drink to take the edge off.

The two of them seemed OK. Wine Guy was instantly transformed into his talkative self that always impresses me when we are around new people. I thought Only Child seemed a little nervous, or tired, or something, but that quickly faded. Or my projection of his nervousness faded once I downed my first drink.

We finally got seated, unfortunately at a table just beneath the band that was playing jazz music above us. I hate having to holler to each other across the table. But the conversation between them flowed. As expected, they discussed each other's jobs, photography and wine.

I think with other types of men it would have ended up as some sort of pissing contest. But I was reassured in my taste in "people" as my partners (as opposed to picking obnoxious, competitive men) and found that they both seemed to take note and perhaps appreciate each other's expertise in the various areas.

In fact, they were getting along so well that at one point they began joking about some of my "issues" they were both familiar with. They were turning on me. I nipped that one in the bud quickly. "Uh, this is not about ME, people." Yeah, subtle.

Wine Guy brought a bottle of wine he purchased earlier at the wine tasting. Guess who recommended it? You bet. Ex-Wine Gal, who works at the wine shop. And, of course, it was a beautiful wine.

The food was excellent and Only Child was very excited about the place. So much so that he said he wants to go back, this time with his girlfriend. We made sure to invite her to this dinner (I had only met her once before but in a very crowded setting), but she couldn't make it and I believe was not happy with us holding this outing without her. If only she knew what Ex issues I have to deal with. She has it SO much better. Puh-leaze.

So, yes. It was all so civilized and pleasant. We all agreed to arrange another outing, this time as a foursome so OC's girlfriend could come along. Hopefully that will make her feel better and realize I am hardly a threat.

On the way home, Wine Guy said he thought OC was really nice and that he clearly "seems like an artist" trapped in a salesman's job. A very true observation.

When I called OC the next day to get his feedback, he said that WG seemed nice but that I "seemed really nervous." Also a very true observation.

So I think I can put that Ex baby to bed. But WG and I are still working on our other Ex situation. I know my pouting and whining about being an outsider with them has only made him tense and nervous. And I'm sure Ex-Wine Gal is not convinced taht I dislike her. Which I don't. So I've got a boyfriend who feels like he's walking on egg shells and his Ex, basically his very good friend, who likely feels rejected by me despite her considerate and truthful "I'm just a friend" flagwaving.

So am I the bad guy in this scenario? I'm starting to think so.



mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

very tricky. the whole thing is egg shells, kid gloves, houses of cards, glass houses, you name it.

BUT! you're doing very well so far. if only everyone could bring a dog to these outings, you could all focus on how the dogs were getting along...instead, being californians, you bring bottles of wine...

anyway, this looks to me like a situation that is slowly, gradually, stabilizing. in five years, with luck, you'll be doing these outings with babies.


Anonymous said...

You're doing better than I would! I have no desire to meet my sweetie's exes or he to meet mine. No good could come of it!

Anonymous said...

it seems to me that a steady one night per week of anyone - ex, friend, family, neighbor is a potential burden that could take precious alone time from the two of you and might be difficult to end if that was needed. perhaps a less rigid schedule could be negotiated.

Anonymous said...

You're not a bad guy in this. WG needs to know how you feel and you need to be able to talk honestly about it so you and he can solve it together. Ex-WG is in the picture quite a lot and that amount of time spent w/ anyone other than you could pose a challenge, let alone when it's an ex. It sounds like you're doing pretty well all things considered, and there's probably a middle ground where WG gives a little and you continue to welcome the ex as comfortably as possible. And I think it's great that OC is in the mix now also. You and WG both have strong relationships w/ your exes - which speaks well of all of you, so I think you can probably sort this out w/ some time, patience and understanding. (This whole scenario is very similar to my current situation - it's tough to handle the closeness w/ exes but it does get easier- and there is moral high ground to be celebrated for those who can pull it off gracefully!) :-) Hang in there!

Tasha K. said...

I completely admire your ability to tolerate all the ex's involved in your lives. It's so great that you are making the effort to spend time with ex-W Gal (I would be irrationally jealous as well) and hopefully time will smooth over any tension that is left from past relationships. WG should appreciate your efforts to get to know his friends (ex-WGal) as I'm sure you appreciate his to meet OC. I'm glad things went well with the worlds colliding :-)