Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

September 20, 2008

Excrement and Phantoms

That's it, I can't take it anymore. Is the universe trying to tell me something? Or is it just fucking with me? In the last week alone, FOUR Exes have resurfaced in some form in my life. Three of them through Facebook and one of my own masochistic doing. Two of them are now married with at least one child, and the other two are in relationships.

Combine that with the ongoing Ex sag in my own relationship with Only Child and Ex-Wine Gal, and my life now feels like one big nostalgia factory.

I am choosing - at this very moment, I just decided - to take this as a sign that looking back is a waste of time. And while I'm at it, let's add that looking forward (relationshipwise) isn't too great a move either. It's the NOW that matters. And I can pretty honestly admit that I've been tainting my NOW relationship with Wine Guy will all sorts so excrement from the past and phantom wishes for the future.

I resolve, upon my return home this afternoon (I am in the South for work and very homesick), to Love in the Now. To give Wine Guy the best of me, not the mournful, anxiety-ridden me who focuses on the past and the future, respectively. I vow to give him the me that he fell in love with in the first place. I bet he misses that girl. I know I do.

I realize I sound like a self-help book right now. But there's a reason that they sell so well. At least I am writing my own, in a way. So perhaps you too can save yourself the Oprah Book Club money and feel free to follow my lead. Love in the Now people.

I wonder how long this will last? Oh no...that's futuretalk. Shit, this is gonna be hard.



Shanna said...

Bravo! "And while I'm at it, let's add that looking forward (relationshipwise) isn't too great a move either. It's the NOW that matters."

I learned the same thing in the last week, too! By obsessing a bit over promised marriage proposal at a really bad time in both of our lives. That's an important thing to learn...
(A regular reader :))

kristin said...

Sounds like a pretty damn solid plan! For all of us actually, thanks for the reminder.

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

#1: yes, the universe is fucking with you

#2: yes, love in the now

#3: yes, i love reading about your angst, because you are (or sound -- what do i know?)so honest.

xx mimi

Melissa said...

Sorry I didn't writer sooner, but I didn't read blogs at all this week. Wow-- you were down and then picked yourself up. Sounds familiar this week! Honestly, not to sound too flaky, but I think there was some bad energy out there. Just hang in there and know YOU ARE NOT ALONE. And I, too, have decided to focus on NOW as much as possible. We can help each other out. See you tomorrow!

Anonymous said...

allow and accept - what is here and now - that truly is all there is - if we could only stay in that awareness more often - or all the time for that matter! Gteat entry - thanks.

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