- Yes, I'm excited about embarking on this phase of my new relationship with Wine Guy.
- Yes, I am looking forward to starting fresh in a new place (I've been in my current apartment for six years and have been ready to leave for the last two).
- Yes, I am (over)eager to adopt a dog and take it to dog beach.
- I'm terrified (and a bit disappointed) that we are moving in together without being engaged. That was a promise I had made to myself after my failed living together experience with Only Child and, even though this seems more than right (certainly "righter" than it did with Only Child), I'm still scared that I'm getting myself into a "Why Buy the Cow/Milk for Free" scenario.
- I'm scared that we will end up realizing we hate each other once we are actually in each other's faces 24/7. Right now we see each other primarily Friday nights through Sunday nights and pretty much do our own things during the week. Maybe that was all we could/should handle? (For the record, I do think this fear is "normal" and falls under the "you gotta take a risk" category.)
No matter how ridiculous I know it to be intellectually, I seem to be holding my breath and waiting for Wine Guy to just plain disappear. (This is not anything new - read A Ride on the Baggage Carousel for a little reminiscence of my early days with Wine Guy and a refresher on the pure evilness of Naval A-hole.) Perhaps Wine Guy will decide he doesn't want to move in together. Perhaps he will just die in a car crash. Either way, he just stops calling. That's my fear.
The other night he said he'd call me back later. By 10pm I was in tears and called him expecting the worst. He was stunned to hear his crying girlfriend on the line. As far as he knew, he just got busy on the computer and didn't realize how late it had gotten. No biggie. I knew it was no biggie. But this deep, dark, creeping feeling that settled in my stomach during the hours I waited for his call were stronger than my common sense.
I KNOW Wine Guy is not an asshole. I know he would never do such a thing. I also know he loves me and wants to be with me. And, finally, I know that all my worrying and paranoia is starting to drive him crazy. So, if I can't at least stop thinking and feeling these stupid thoughts, at the very least I should STOP sharing them with him.
So forgive me readers. I suspect you will have to be the ones to bear the brunt of my neuroses. Feel free to share your thoughts right back.