Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

January 31, 2008

Paid in Full

Every few days, some kind soul makes their way out to the far North County of San Diego to keep me company for a few hours and give me a much appreciated break from sitting/lying in one of three places in my mom's house that I can tolerate. Today it was Only Child.

I haven't seen him in about two months, though we've talked on the phone a few times before and after my surgery. Some people may think it's weird that OC and I are still friends after the disastrous end to what I like to call our "faux engagement" three and half years ago. But, even though it went as far as me buying a beautiful gown and booking a location for the wedding on the island of Kauai, I can't help but let it go and forgive him.

True, OC blew it by pseudo-proposing to me in a fit of loneliness and desperation, but I blew it too by actually believing his proposal and ignoring my gut by saying yes. Why did we do this to each other and ourselves? Because we became like family to one another and didn't want to give up our very deep friendship. I'm thankful that now we can have the kind of relationship that suits us better. We don't talk all that frequently these days (he's got a girlfriend who isn't all that fond of my existence, which I totally get in theory, but wish she could understand that she's wasting her energy being at all jealous of me) but we both know that when it comes down to it, we are there for each other like a brother or a sister.

I'm sure some of my friends, many of whom have not met OC because I befriended them post-faux engagement, probably think it's a bit wacky that we are still friends. But, God bless 'em, they don't say anything to me about it. If only my Mom would do the same.

You see, my mom is still pretty damn pissed at OC for what happened and refuses to let it go. Actually, after it first occurred, she wasn't so bad. In fact, I remember her expressing affection for him and agreeing with me that he had deceived himself more than anyone and that he feels so terribly about it that any anger I threw his way couldn't compare to how much he's beating himself up. I even remember her saying that she really cared about him and hoped he got his sh*t together so this didn't happen with another girl down the road.

But after the Naval A-hole disaster, her attitude changed. At first, so did mine. I can admit Naval A-hole was a bit of a rebound (I met him about three months after OC and I called it off) and our whirlwind romance kept me from really grieving my relationship with OC. So when it all hit the fan post A-hole, I felt double the anger and double the grief. But OC was so kind to me as I fell apart in the wake of A-hole, that my anger subsided and eventually faded back into the archives of my relationship past. My fiercely loyal, loving mom, however, chose to remain pissed at both of them.

So now I do my best not to even mention OC's name around her to avoid having to hear a snide comment (her specialty, I learned from the Master). But sometimes he just comes up in the flow of conversation and it's like "Here we go again..." In the long run, it doesn't matter. She can think whatever she wants about him. The funny thing is that OC always asks about her and seems to think fondly of her. I always tell him, "Yeah, my mom is still kind of mad at you. I try to tell her that I'm over it so she should be too. But, I guess she's still pissed."

I can see it bugs him but he just shrugs and says, "Well, tell her I said hi anyway. I always liked your mom." And he means it. Next time he said he's going to bring her flowers.

Hopefully she'll get over it someday. I mean, he'll be at my wedding - assuming I ever have one! I have, however, given her complete permission to direct all her hatred and anger towards Naval A-hole instead, since he's the one who still deserves it. In fact, I give the entire world permission to direct all bad energy towards him. Karma needs all the help it can get. But Only Child? His dues are Paid in Full as far as I'm concerned. If only I could get my mom to agree.

Dismissed.

3 comments:

mimi of 'sexagenarian and the city' said...

'fiercely loyal' -- as a mother, i can understand that. only the loyalty doesn't come into play w. my children's romances: it tends to hover around teachers who were unfair to them or friends who were mean at a 7th grade sleepover --- my kids may be seeing a or b or c over vacation, but all i can remember is when a & b & c ganged up against them 10 years ago...

Nicole said...

You seem so at peace with things these days, Trooper. Is it the drugs you're taking for post-surgery pain? hehe :)

Dating Trooper - Dating is Warfare said...

It's either the drugs or the fact that when you do "nothing" all day, there is "nothing" to complain about! Just wait until I get back into "real life"...I'm sure thing's will start getting "complicated" again:-) But, yes, I'm joining the "at peaceness" while it lasts!