Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

October 17, 2007

It's an Unjust World

You know, sometimes life would be easier if Wine Guy didn't have so much damn integrity.

Back in August, Wine Guy showed his true colors while house sitting for me during the Alaskan cruise I took with my mom. During this trip, my mom's car got towed away while it was parked outside my place. It was totally unfair and nobody's fault but the a-hole construction company working on the house across the street that posted no signage until after the car was towed. It's been almost two months since the incident and we've been waiting to hear back from the city with a response to Wine Guy's claim for reimbursement for the towing and storage charges of $500.

Wine Guy's been on edge since he filed the claim, as have I - but for entirely different reasons. It all came to a head tonight when the city's denial of his claim finally arrived in the mail.

He was upset, understandably. I was upset because he was upset. I insisted that my mom will pay him back ASAP and that he please, please, please stop worrying about it. My mom and I would take over the claim and take that son of a bitch contractor to small claims court. Not Wine Guy's problem at all.

He resisted. In fact, the more I insisted that he no longer needed to deal with it, the worse I seemed to make the situation. I just wanted to jump into his brain and erase the whole episode. It wasn't his fault. He sort of got stuck "car sitting" when he was only really asked to watch my cat. I felt like my mom and I were a burden that he did not need to take on.

He refused and frankly seemed offended at this suggestion. I told my mom a little about how upset he was and, being the level-headed shrink she is asked, "What exactly is he upset about? The money?"

"No.....I don't think it's the money."

"Well, then is it the injustice?"

"That might be it. And maybe guilt too? I don't know!"

"Well, you should find out what exactly he's upset about."

Achieve clarity. The shrink's favorite Step 1.

So I asked him. And you now what? That damn clarity thing works! The answer didn't surprise me. But I guess the act of actually asking the straightforward question and getting the answer helped clarify it for me - not really for him.

Turns out, it is mostly the injustice that gets him. Which makes sense now that I think about his obsessive daily scouring of Talking Points Memo, looking for the latest injustice perpetrated by the Bush administration. But he admitted to some guilt too for not taking perfect care of my mom's car.

The money? Yeah, the $500 sucks. But that's not the crux of it. And he shared with me that the more I focused on my "solution" to the problem - paying him back so he wouldn't have to worry about it anymore - the worse I made him feel because the money was precisely not what was upsetting him.

So, I think small claims court is the next step. Hopefully Wine Guy (and my mom) will get some justice. And hopefully I'll have learned my lesson of just what gets my man so upset.



Sonny Amou said...

Another guy's opinion...backing up a bit...

One of the keys of him saying "I love you" was that it probably confirmed in his head the broader commitment, that is, thinking of you, your mom and your siblings (if memory serves) as part of his own family. And when that happens, the resources are basically one unit - ditto any debts or disparagements along the way. He's trying to solve the problem on your behalf, and your mom trying to reimburse WG might be a little confusing; teammates don't really need to switch jerseys, savvy?

Don't worry about the $500. It'll all work out. And even if it doesn't, I'd lay half that debt that he wouldn't hold that against you or your mom. In fact, I'm sure of it. As the old Kilt proverb goes, an ounce of respect is always worth more than ten pounds of gold.

The City Gal said...

Hi! Nice weblog. I used to write my dating experience, until I realized it was too mugh info and I was receving hate mail.

Anyhow, I am 28, and I have never managed to get to the "I love you" part! Pathetic, huh? So, I have given up!

I am officially not dating anymore! (to save myself from disappointment!)

I could use some advice from a sister! :D