Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

May 30, 2007

The Talk

Now that I've gotten my philosophizing ("battle planning") out of the way, I can give you the down and dirty update on Wine Guy. Or shall I say "My Boyfriend?" Yes, we had "The Talk."

Please tell me that you people know what I mean when I say "The Talk?" I thought everyone did. But when I brought it up with Wine Guy (kind of as a joke at first, as all serious conversations should start, right?), he said, "What talk?" So I found myself explaining. You know, the one where we agree not to date anyone else. I then added, "Technically, we both could be seeing other people right now if we wanted to."

This was not stated as threat. More like a ridiculous notion, since we are both so clearly in to one another. Plus, I don't know how either of us could possibly fit in another date between all the time we've been spending together.

Being the considerate man he is he responded, "Well, I can't really tell you what you can and can't do. I know that I don' t want to see anyone else."

OK, now I'm getting a little impatient. I responded, "I'm not asking you to tell me what to do. I'm asking you to ask me if I choose to make that kind of commitment to only seeing you."

So that was how I guided Wine Guy through "The Talk." I swear, sometimes you have to write them a freakin' script!

Once that was over with, it hit both of us that we can now say Boyfriend and Girlfriend. My Girlfriend and I are going to dinner. My Boyfriend and I are going hiking today. It was then that Wine Guy started to comprehend one of the greatest benefits of "The Talk." (Well, as it applies to people who already know they are on the same page. The Talk for those who are trying to find out where the other person is - that's another story and a far less pleasant experience).

He started to see how The Talk allowed him the freedom of speech. When someone asks him who he went out with last night, he no longer has to say, "Uh, this girl I'm kind of dating." We've all been there, that awkward I'm-not-sure-what-to-call-you thing, especially when the person is right there in front of you.

So we spent the weekend trying it out. It's amazing how much power a name and/or label holds over us. Now that I'm his Girlfriend, it's OK if I invite him to come to the theater with my mom and me. He's allowed to tell his sister about me and we're both all of a sudden allowed to call each other every day without worrying about seeming too overeager.

Of course, there are some obligations that come with that name as well. I was pretty much obligated to help him move this weekend and he had to listen to me obsess over my new haircut (Do you like the bangs? Really? It doesn't seem like you like them).

And the Girlfriend label helped me decide to finally divulge my one Big Secret...... this blog.

It's been weighing on me tremendously. Such a big part of my life and he doesn't even know about it. So I told him. And I was terrified. At first he seemed a bit stunned as he haltingly said, "Sooo...I'm a character in your dating blog." Not a question. Just a statement of fact. Clearly he was processing. I didn't want to get in the way of that but I had to let him know, "But everyone likes you. A couple people even asked if you had a brother!" I'm not sure my conveying his good reviews from perfect strangers helped, but after a few more minutes he said something that really shocked me. And reminded me why I want him to be my Boyfriend in the first place.

He said, "I feel really bad."
Bad? Why?
"Because I ruined your dating blog!"

Well, I don't think he did. And he really wants me to continue writing. I really want to continue writing. Because this is no happy ending. Learning, joy, pain, victories, defeats don't just cease when you get a Boyfriend or a Husband or a Baby.

So I'll still be here. Hope you will be too. Not sure if Wine Guy will read all of this. We haven't quite covered that territory yet. Though I can't imagine him not wanting to know, can you?



bailey said...

If Wine Guy doesn't want to know, he is truly beyond comprehension (in a good way). If he does, he is overwhelmingly human (in a good way). WIN-WIN!

Oh, and I have only ever encountered the talk once in my life (and I'm no spring chicken) which was with the Dedicated Bachelor who didn't want to be in a relationship and broke up with me when I didn't even know we were a "couple". Prior to that, it's always been same page.

See above for the no dating experience and lack of skills to "mass date"...

a&v said...

Aw! I love that he was worried about ruining your dating blog! The best dating blogs are the ones where the girl (or guy) finds someone wonderful--it's why we read, isn't it? And now we get to hear more of the good stuff!

sexagenarian & the city said...

fantastic blog.
just introduced to it via LV;
it's great.

please check out mine:
sexagenarian & the city

all the best

Loverville said...

You have such a great Boyfriend! And he's very lucky to have you as his Girlfriend!

I agree with what A&V said... I admit, I'm sort of living vicariously through you, hoping to meet a great guy too!

BTW -- I just sent a friend that dating questionnaire that you posted back in February -- it's hilarious!

About Melissa said...

It makes me think a little about the title of your blog "Dating is Warfare". The war is a battle for love -- it's not a battle against guys or even against dating. It's nice to hear that you're winning this one!