Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

May 1, 2007

Poker Face Failure

After years of on and off dating, I've become quite accustomed to aloofness. I'm constantly reminded that I'm supposed to keep my cards close to my chest for fear of revealing my hand to soon. I'm only two sentences in to this paragraph and I've already used up just about everything I know about poker, which proves my point. I suck at game playing and obfuscation and it's starting to make me a little war weary.

When I like someone, I tend to smile a lot, want to talk or email with them somewhat frequently and (gasp) know when I'm going to see them next so I can look forward to it. If I don' t like someone, I feel the urge to make that clear and stop leading them on. If I'm not sure if I like someone, I try to create one or two more chances to figure it out before I do either of the above.

Unfortunately, this blissful simplicity rarely works in dating, so 99% of the time I feel like I'm walking in a field of land mines, never knowing when my often unintended honesty will get me blown to bits.

Lately people have been asking me if I tell the guys I date about this blog. Hell no! But I worry about it a lot (like any good Jewish girl would). This is one VERY small town and word spreads fast. I've already had to delete some text from a previous entry because Wine Guy mentioned he wanted to Google something we had talked about (and I wrote about). Before he was barely out the door on Sunday, I was at my computer deleting any key words that might lead him back here (and I haven't even said a harsh word about him - so far).

And since you're asking, yes I did go hiking with Wine Guy on Sunday and it turned into a 10 hour date. That could either mean it was a blissful day of nature, stimulating conversation and good company, or a torturous death march that felt like it would never end. was the former thank God. The hike was glorious, despite all the burned up trees left over from the Cedar Fire (according to the Forest Service map, this was a lesson in "fire ecology"). Then back to clean up at my place (separate showers for those of you with dirty minds), and continuing on to a tasty dinner at my neighborhood Thai place where I take all my dates (I swear they must think I'm a call girl - high class of course.) Then we eagerly tuned in to watch George Tenet try to shovel himself out of his own b.s. on 60 Minutes and then I sent him on his way. Was there a kiss? Yes, very soft and sweet and with potential.

I can't tell you how many times during that 10 hour date that I almost blurted out, "In my blog the other day...." or "I was thinking that for my blog I should...." It feels like I'm leaving out a huge chunk of myself just when I'm supposed to be getting to know him. But, like I've said, I've had problems with being such an open book in the past, so I'm looking at this as a much needed exercise in self restraint.

So back to aloofness. I am continually impressed by and excited about Wine Guy but am trying to keep my excitement contained, both internally and externally. Not because I want to play games but because I've let my openness get out of hand and burn me in the past. The thing is, he has no poker face either. He is excited about me and is making sure to let me in on that excitement. Don't worry, he's not overwhelming, pestering or stalking me. He just smiles a lot when he sees me (and emails me :-), and lets me know that he wants to see me again. Sounds familiar, right? The last time a guy did that, I was so surprised and excited that I ended up dating him for two months before I realized I didn't even like him (I'll have to tell you about Vain Guy some other time).

So that's where things stand at the moment. I had a message from McConaughey on my machine when I came home tonight and will probably meet him for dinner on Friday because I promised myself (and you) that I would keep my eggs scattered about. Plus we're going to sushi -- and sushi is one of the main reasons I date.



Jacqueline said...

word on sushi. can't wait to hear more about Vain Guy.

Jacqueline said...

word on sushi. can't wait to read more on Vain Guy.

Loverville said...

Wine Guy sounds promising! But good call, keeping those eggs scattered about in different baskets.

OH, yes -- I know what it's like to date someone who's really into you... even though you're "eh" about him. It can be flattering. Sure, we know we should save our energy for someone we really like... but sometimes we just need a little attention for those "in-between" times.