Note: The "Trooper" in question is not actually in the military. It's a metaphor, people.

May 11, 2007

My Walled Garden

So, I didn't share with you that April was supposed to be "Month of Sex" -or M.O.S. as my friend Mendoza Line and I call it (she picked her name based upon her dating status, a classic!). The problem is, neither of us had any -not even close. So we extended the deadline to May - actually to 2007 in general.

I have yet to really write about s-e-x in this battle journal, and I don't think I will make it a habit. If you want sex on-line there's plenty of it out there. but I do have to give a shout out tonight to my dear friend Mendoza who finally broke her dry spell last night. You go girl! At least paid off for one of us!

As for my M.O.S.-lessness, Wine Guy and I have been taking it VERY slowly in the "getting it on" area. Probably because we have so damn much to talk, talk, talk about that it's getting in the way. I've really enjoyed getting to know him and can tell there is potential when we do kiss, but it' s getting to the point where something needs to happen soon, before we end up in "friend" territory.

I know when I've gone a little while without being - um - touched, I tend to build up walls. Then I get used to being walled in. It actually starts to feel all safe and cozy there in my little walled garden. So when potential for simple intimacy pops up (holding hands, arm around shoulder) I feel myself tense up. I can't help it. He probably feels it too.

I swear I'm not some frigid chick. Once things get going and a few pieces of clothing are shed, the walls are vaporized and the fun begins (at least until the next dry spell). But I can tell my walls are up and the cement is firming. I need them to be torn down ASAP. And yes I'm mostly saying this because I lost in the M.O.S. and want to at least come in a close second.

I've also concluded that I am much more prone to getting "affectionate" (the fact that I feel the need to use coy euphemisms is indicative of my walls being up - once I get some action I assure you my vocabulary will be much more to the point :-) when I'm not in my own apartment. It occurred to me today that the best sex I've had in recent years has been at the guy's place (or hotels, or beaches....). When I'm at home, I think I get distracted by my everyday life. My all by myself, walled garden of a life. I become so aware there is someone else there, and a naked someone at that. It's all just so "other" than my normal life. Plus my cat sits and watches or, worse, licks a naked body part. So I prefer being at their place where I can let loose, knock stuff down (oops, at least I don't have to clean it up:-), and escape back to my garden when I need my peace and quiet. I guess I've gotten pretty used to being alone. At long last. I hope it doesn't keep from being "together" again though.

But Wine Guy has yet to have me over to his place. We both have commented on it and I joke that he has his bodies hidden there. He says he's getting ready to move and the place is a mess, etc. Plus he lives in a boring part of town. Last night on the phone I tried to invite myself to his place Saturday night. Despite several attempts to encourage, prod, blatantly ask...I still lost the battle. He promises to have me over, cook me dinner, light some candles, etc. But not this weekend. I know, it sounds like he's hiding something. But I really don't think that's it. I just think he wants it all to be perfect. Whereas my place is a disaster and I don't care (potential for incompatibility right there?). I wanted to just say, "For God's sake! If you just let me come over there I can assure you that you will get some action!" But I couldn't bring myself to say it. If (hopefully when) we do get to that stage , I will make sure to rub his face in his lost opportunity to get there sooner.

Anyway, hope you are all celebrating M.O.S. right along with Mendoza......


Loverville said...

Sounds like you're getting close with Wine Guy! Think of it this way: all that anticipation will only make it that much hotter!

I'm happy to report some MOS action, finally! Check my blog for details.

I know what you mean about the euphemisms -- I'm the same way. Don't see a problem there, we all know what we mean.

As far as "my place vs his" -- yes, it's hard to let someone in, so to speak. And trying to (actually) sleep that first night together? Impossible! It just happens that with the past few guys I've dated, we both liked my place so much better than theirs (better lighting, more comfy bed). So I'm generally the host.

Good luck! I'm sure it'll happen for you soon! Just have him over for dinner, break out a bottle of wine, and see what happens... cause after all, he is Wine Guy!

Kevin said...

Possibly Wine Guy is experiencing the exact same "crowding one's halo" effect as you are when considering going into full-blown intimacy. You don't want it disrupted by a cat - he probably could be thinking the same thing. It could be a pile of laundry in the corner, it could be a poster of Heather Locklear, it could be simply looking out the window and noticing a tree swaying in the wind for a nanosecond, it's all the same principle - you don't want it ruined by some idiosyncratic distraction that will haunt you in a minor way in the form of cocktail chatter four months down the road ("The first time we did it, I was thinking about balancing my checkbook").

I mean, hell, if you want to take the freeway to Passion Place, play to his interests and suggest a night at a hotel where there's a good restaurant with a decent wine list. Tie on a pair of glasses of pinot to get relaxed without being blotto, reserve a deluxe suite and go for it. Or, if it doesn't work out, and he gets cold feet, at least you still have the room to step back and reflect.

If nothing else, glad to know that I'm not the only one who's done the deed while a cat was watching/licking my partner's hair. Talk about a buzzkill, certainly proved that there are boundaries for cat lovers as well.

Your friend D., with whom you took a couple of swing dance classes earlier this, tipped me off to your blog. Glad I took the time to check it out - nice to get yet another female's perspective.